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Here's how to identify the warning signs, and what you can do...
'20s, I was a vindictive bitch when it came to matters of the heart. I broke up with my boyfriend of a year on Valentine's Day because his ex-girlfriend had done the same a few years earlier. Why? I was immature, mad at him, and figured if he weren't scarred for life over one Valentine's Day breakup, a second dumping would be a walk in the park.
I've grown up since then. But I also learned that I'm not alone in dumping a dude on February 14th. A recent Yahoo survey found that the period between Christmas and Valentines Day is the most popular time to break up. AnastasiaDate, an international dating site, polled more than 2,000 Americans and found that 1 in 10 admitted to contemplating a split on or near the holiday.
(Getting dumped is never easy, but Here's a Better Way to Recover from a Broken Heart.)
"Breaking up on a holiday seems vindictive, mean, and cruel," says Alexandra Katehakis, founder of Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles. "It's unnecessary to ruin a holiday for someone, leaving them to always associate that holiday with pain." That may be true, but it doesn't mean it's not going to happen anyway.
You can just cross your fingers and hope for the best, or prepare yourself for the worst. Learn how to spot the warning signs of a breakup, and potentially re-route the relationship.
Breakup Reason: Unmet Expectations
Matt's Story: "I was always planning to do something with my girlfriend on Valentine's Day," says Matt, 33. "But, honestly, it seems like a silly Hallmark holiday and I'm not that into it anyway. I didn't make elaborate plans. I just asked her a few days before what she wanted to do, and she flipped out that I hadn't already planned something." The relationship ended because of that argument.
The Warning Signs: "Women will sometimes drop subtle hints about what they want for this day," says Jenn Mann, a host and lead therapist on VH1's Couple's Therapy. "She might be hinting about something she wishes she could buy, or a great new restaurant, or mention what her friend's boyfriend planned for her. Women are good at dropping hints; men aren't always so great at picking up on them."
(Don't botch date night. Keep an eye out for 13 Mistakes That Will Tank Your Date.)
How to Avoid it: Ask questions when there's still time to do soemthing. "In a perfect world, he would have asked her about her dream date," says Katehakis. "She can't expect him to mind-read her every hope and desire."
Breakup Reason: The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back
Bernie's Story: "For us, tension had been mounting since New Year's Day," says Bernie, 25. "By the time Valentine's Day came up, romance was in the air everywhere, and we just weren't feeling it. It was like a light bulb went off in my head. I was like, 'We don't even want to make out with each other.' So we broke up."
The Warning Signs: "Men typically get complacent and they become okay with the status quo even when it's not great," says Dr. Mann. "You need to look out when she's picking fights, nit-picking, not being as affectionate, easily annoyed, shows body language that just doesn't feel right, or doesn't want sex all of a sudden."
How to Avoid it: "Talk and have lots of sex," says veteran divorce attorney Bruce Provda. "Who knows? Maybe you and your partner will remember why you loved each other in the first place. Ask your partner to tell you what's awesome about you, and what needs work. You may find you are talking yourselves out of the breakup."
Breakup Reason: Too High Maintenance
Chris' Story: "I'd been going out with my girlfriend for about nine months and I knew she was a little high maintenance," says Chris, 37. "I planned a nice romantic dinner. We both worked during the day, so I picked her up for dinner at 8 p.m. and she was already in a bad mood. I presented her with pink roses because she loves pink and she complained that they weren't red. Then she complained that her co-workers' boyfriends sent her flowers to work, and she kept waiting for hers to arrive. She pouted during dinner and by the time I gave her a little gift—a teddy bear with a heart that said, 'I love you'—she burst into tears and broke up with me."
The Warning Signs: "Typically a woman like this has already displayed these high expectations throughout the relationship," says Dr. Mann. "She expects her guy to be a mind reader. Signs including being materialistic, having a list of things she expects you to buy or do for her, complaining over restaurant choices, etc."
How to Avoid it: "When you're feeling that nothing you can do is good enough, it's time for a talk," says Dr. Mann. "This behavior, especially early on in a relationship, needs to be addressed up front."
Breakup Reason: She's Just Not That Into You
Jack's Story: "I'd been asking her for weeks what she wanted to do for Valentine's Day and she wouldn't really answer," says Jack 29. "She finally told me a week before that she had plans with her friends. She then calls me a few days before Valentine's Day and said, 'Listen, I didn't want to break up with you this close to Valentine's Day, but I'm just not feeling the connection.' I thought things were going well so I was shocked."
The Warning Signs: "If she's not interested in going out, or says she'd rather go out with her friends, you know you're doomed," says Patti Stanger, a third generation matchmaker and star of the Bravo docu-series The Millionaire Matchmaker. "Usually when you ask a girl about Valentine's Day, if they're into you, they'll want to lock down a plan right away or at least tell you that they want to spend it with you."
How To Avoid It: "Maybe, if he was really interested, he could've tried harder to make her feel special the weeks leading up to the holiday," says Stanger. "He could've given her an early present, something to inspire romance. He could have sent her a dozen roses the day before."
(Want to give her a real reason to dump you? Get some Dinner Reservations at White Castle for Valentine's Day. That should do the trick.)
Original article can be seen here.